3 Hour Wait Time at Ferry Terminal Causes Delays!

 

Shocker - if you offer me less of something I buy less of it

Today's News that Vexes is brought to you by the otherwise reputable journal Nature.  Here we go folks - hold on to your forks: "Even meat lovers go veggie when plant-heavy meals abound"

Basically if you offer more vegetarian options, people will order more vegetarian food.  Somehow, reading this article actually made me feel dumber.

The deets: the "scientists" went to a cafeteria and doubled the number of vegetarian options while reducing the number of meat options by a third.  So, there were fewer meaty options and twice as many vegetarian options, like "wild mushroom, roasted butternut squash and sun blushed tomato risotto with parmesan"  - by the way what is SUN-BLUSHED TOMATO?  ("Aw shucks Mr. Sun, I'm blushing," said no tomato ever).  

Anyway, in this significantly less-carnivorous environment, people ordered less meat.  Someone is actually getting a PhD for this staggering 'research'.  Congratulate PhD candidate Emma Garnett at Cambridge by dropping her a note!

Ready for a mind-blower?  If you remove ALL the meat options, there is a very good chance [research still needed though] that people will actually buy zero meat options and buy only vegetarian options.   I should get a PhD in vexation!

A refreshing change - good news! And of course it's about cheese!

Among our millions of readers are many eagle-eyed news trackers who are constantly on the lookout for influential news stories for News That Vexes.  Though Smoking is still Bad and Exercise is still Good, you may want to be more discerning in your future cheese purchases.  Specifically, what music was your cheese exposed to while it was aged?

In some hard-hitting new research, it seems that cheese exposed to hip-hop tastes better.  Not that the cows were exposed to hip-hop, but rather the bacteria in the cheese prefers hip-hop.  

Some of you might think this research is insane. Far from it - this research was done by veterinarian (Wait, did you say veterinarian?  Yes, we did) BEAT WAMPFLER.  Sadly his email address isn't available at press time, so congratulatory emails aren't possible at the moment.  Luckily, the 'scientific support' for the experiment was provided by Dr. Michael Harenberg - who also provided this unintentionally hilarious quote:

"We were overwhelmed," says Professor Michael Harenberg who provided the scientific support for the experiment. "At first I thought it was a typical Swiss reaction because cheese plays such a big cultural role here in Emmental. But even journalists from South Africa approached us for interviews and information."

Some possibly bad news for Dr. Harenberg - journalists don't want to talk to you because of your cheese, they want to know if you actually have coherent thoughts and can speak in complete sentences.

Thanks and a tip of the hat to our legions of readers who submitted this important news story.