News that Vexes: James Bond - Vexing, not Stirred.

News that Vexes

It's so tiresome to read 'new studies' that reveal Smoking, Stress or Obesity are Bad for you. Yet these studies appear all the time. It's time to take back the newswire from so-called Scientists!

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

James Bond - Vexing, not Stirred.

Today's annoyance comes from the Medical Journal of Australia - a journal that sounds prestigious, doesn't it?  In case the original research is too complicated for you, gentle reader, it's summarized in this high quality(?) Washington Post article.  The fact that this hard-hitting science reportage appears in the "Entertainment" section of the paper perhaps tells you something about its scholarship.

So to save you time, some scientist - I use the term loosely - has analyzed the drinking behavior of a certain British Secret Service Agent named Bond - James Bond.  It turns out HE DRINKS TOO MUCH.

Sample tidbits: 
Bond had a “severe” and “chronic” drinking problem — and he performed some pretty risky maneuvers while under the influence of alcohol.  “Chronic risks include frequently drinking prior to fights, driving vehicles (including in chases), high-stakes gambling, operating complex machinery or devices, contact with dangerous animals, extreme athletic performance and sex with enemies, sometimes with guns or knives in the bed,” lead author Nick Wilson said in a statement.

Want to congratulate the lead author Nick Wilson?  Drop him a note here.  Australians embarrassed by the true absurdity of this research can take heart knowing it actually from a university in New Zealand.  On the other hand, this study (again it's hard to keep a straight face when calling this a study) won first place in the Medical Journal of Australia’s Christmas competition.

Who will be the first to tell author Nick Wilson that Bond is a fictional character?  I'd wait until after Christmas because he may doubt the existence of Santa if he finds out there's no James Bond.


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