Teens binge drink, government study finds

So basically when kids engage in an illegal activity, they tend to do it quickly and to excess (because it's illegal and presumably want to take as much advantage of the situation as possible). Who would have guessed it?

Also, and even more, uh, surprising is:

These binge drinkers -- who had five or more drinks in a row -- were more likely to have sex, fight, smoke or use drugs, the study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found.

Uh, YEAH! Shproing! Well I never woulda thought!

Many thanks to the pioneering, groundbreaking, vexing-news-making Jacqueline Miller of the CDC. Sadly I couldn't find her email (you'd think she'd be proud of this research, no?) so we can't send her mail congratulating her on her discoveries.