The "5-Second Rule" Rules

A reader of News that Vexes submitted this story to us. A close reading shows it's close to a perfect N.t.V. story.

Basically:

Researchers at the University of Illinois say the so-called "5-Second Rule" isn't a myth. They say when you drop food on the floor, it's still safe to eat if you pick it up within five seconds.

Scientists "tested" this stupidity?

There's a great line:

Sticky food though, will pick up bacteria faster than dry food.

and my favorite:

Food Science Professor Peter Blaschek said, "I think all bets are off when you're talking about something like carpeting. That's an entirely different story and we haven't done that study yet."

HELLO? Government Grant writers - Are you listening? We're so close to completing this research! Just a few hundred thousand more dollars could provide us the answers!

Something tells me the University of Illinois is the ultimate party school. What's next? "The tequila before or after the beer?" "Optimal camouflage of water-cooled tobacco pipes"

Finally, since I'm sure you were wondering:

By the way, if you try getting rid of germs on your food by blowing on it or dusting it off, you're wasting your time. It doesn't work.